The Guardian is the protector of Hanszen College. After a Willy Week jack in which the Hanszen swing was stolen, a Hanszenite welded the metal knight to forever guard the swing. So today in the Hanszen quad stands The Guardian – fiercly defending all things Hanszen.
Hanszen Heart is what makes us the Family College. It's being there for your fellow Hanszenites, whether it's supporting each other at games and concerts or picking each other up when we're down. It's always looking out for each other; always having each others' backs. It's giving back to those in need, through our Service committees or other ventures in our community. It's the caring that makes us a true family.
The Guardian fearlessly stands guard in front of our chair swing
Started on February 15, 2001, Crane Day is one of the newer traditions around Hanszen. During the construction of new Wiess, one of the cranes became unstable and perilously loomed over Hanszen New Section. All of the students immediately evacuated, but rather than going to class, they brought out a keg and decided to throw a party. Hanszenites uphold this tradition with an all-day celebration.
Hanszen's biggest public party is Mardi Gras. Strangely, this party used to be held in the fall semester, until it was moved to March to coincide with the New Orleans celebration. Complete with beads, beignets, lights, and a midnight dance contest, Hanszen transforms into New Orleans for the night.
Every year, Hanszen sets aside money to fund your most extravagant ideas in a bracket-style tournament called Float the Keg. As the name implies, a keg is purchased and placed in the Upper Commons (for those of age, of course), while during the last Cabinet before Changeover, Hanszenites gather and decide which ideas to bring to life. Float the Keg has funded tings like our trampoline, a feast of cake pops, and even camel ries for the whole college.
There is simply not enough room on this website to describe all of our awesome events Hanszen throws every year! Hanszen also does events like Galveston trips, ice skating, light saber battles, Deathball (commons dodgeball), Mr. Hanszen (a male pageant), concerts, and college nights.
Hanszen also loves funding new events, and these can be creat ed by anyone! Hanszen has an Activities Fund, so any Hanszenite with an event idea can get money from Cabinet to throw study breaks and events for the college.
Hanszenites in their yearly siege of the Galleria's ice skating rink
As great as Hanszen is, everything has its drawbacks. Hanszen's is its eyesore of a neighbor, Wiess College. To begin, they can't even spell their own name right (it's Weiss!). Their building looks like a prison, their cult-like traditions are simply weird, and their mustard-looking color, which they wrongly identify as Goldenrod, is vomit-inducing.
Our rivalry with Wiess extends to our cheers, jacks, and even college sports. For example, since Wiess's mascot is the pig, each year when we play Wiess at Powderpuff, we devour a full roasted pig and bacon on the sidelines as we cheer on our women. While our rivalry is (mostly) facetious, conside yourself lucky to be a member of the objectively better college of the two. Below are some of the ways we like to celebrate our rivalry:
During O-Week and Willy Week, benevolent Hanszen liberates Wiessmen from the prison that is their own existance with a jack we call Jailbreak. Late at night, we blast Hanson's "Mmmbop" in the Wiess quad and loudly knock on all their doors while they futilely attempt to retaliate with water balloons.
On a normal day, Wiessmen reach the academic quad by crossing through the Hanszen quad through a passageway near the Hanszen Commons. During Willy Week, Hanszen prevents Wiessmen from trespassing onto our property by erecting a wall in this passageway so that Wiessman have to take a much longer route to class. Then, we sit in the commons and watch confused Wiessmen try to get by, sometimes getting splashed in the face by an automatic sprinkler.
Hanszen's "Beerlin Wall", erected on Willy Week 2016, as a yearly jack on Wiess College